There Will Be Beards

I can’t tell you how much a fist full of beard turns me on. 2 day fuzz will even do. The age old symbol of virility and masculinity still lives on in the game of sexual seduction. I have two words for you: Zac Galifianakis. The right guys can pull off the “I’m serious but here to party” look with nicely trimmed scruff. Also, the easy-going, non conformist attitude types usually opt for the Jesus style. I don’t care what color your overgrown stache is, just keep it clean! There’s nothing worse than a beard full of cookie crumbs and dried drool. Even though I usually don’t have a preference, there is such a thing as too much face-shag. If your beard tickles my belly button when we kiss, it’s time to mow the lawn. If you look like the guy from Disney’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, the cat will stay away and the mouse gets no play. Sorry Santa, you don’t count. One last thing, fellas. If indeed you decide to get rid of your muff scrubber one day, please, please! Do it in gradual successions. Nothing is more shocking than to see a man going into the bathroom looking like Abe Lincoln and coming out looking like Michael Ceras. As a supporter and current promoter, do me a favor and be good to yourself. Grow your own beard. Beards are brave, beautiful and the saying holds true: bigger is better.